1001 Ways
by elvirakitties
Summary: Dokidokibaka-Dumbledore, how do I want to kill you? Let me count the ways...I took it as a challenge. Harry MOD, Altern Univ. language, future slash maybe, not sure. Deaths, but nothing to graphic


Harry was strumming his fingers on his desk. He was looking down at the list of recently deceased, he was also bored. "Master?"

"Death." Harry missed people, being around dead people didn't count in his book.

"You know, you could play with him." Death sat down. He selected today at least, to look like an old man with a black business suit. He looked like he was a funeral director.

"I could, it's not like we can fix anything after." Harry had learned a lot of interesting information after Dumbledore's death and he became a legal adult. He smirked. "You have an idea of which timeline?"

"There are a few that you never survived, I say have fun. Let's have a game. Just try to keep the death toll down during our peak times."

"Rules?"

"Bonus points if no one thinks he died from anything but an accident. You lose points if you actually kill him out of annoyance."

"Interesting. What stakes?"

"I win, I get a holiday in whatever timeline, you win, you get a holiday with me distracting the sisters."

Harry thought about it. Fate, Destiny, and Lady Magic would have a fit once they found out, but that wasn't anything new. The three sisters never agreed on anything unless they were lecturing him and Death. "Deal."

"Let the games begin."

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Harry frowned. "Really, Death? I'm what 14?"

"No, you are 10. It gives you eight years to kill him as many times as you can. Also, work on killing anyone else who needs it."

"It's before the zoo?" Harry looked around the sitting room. He wondered where his relatives were.

"Yes, that happens in June, this is October." Death saw a small grin appear on his Master's face. His Master was going to torment his relatives. "No Horcruxes, no Dark Lord wraith. In this world, you died shortly after arriving here. Mrs. Figg has been dealt with already. As far as anyone is concerned you have been living here for the last 9 years." Death was going to enjoy watching his Master have some fun. It had been too long.

"If I kill Dumbledore he will just respawn back at Hogwarts, unaware of what happened?"

"Yes, it will be like the total event hadn't occurred."

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"What is that infernal racket?" Severus Snape demanded. The Heads of Houses were meeting in the Headmaster's office to discuss the upcoming Halloween Feast. When things started whistling and screeching.

"Harry!" Dumbledore jumped out of his seat, giving orders as walked. "He's in danger. Severus, Minerva with me. Filius warn Poppy we might need her assistance." Without waiting to see if his instructions were being followed Dumbledore was already out of his office.

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Harry watched from the park as the Dursley house was burning to the ground. The fire department was delayed in receiving the call, and he had made sure he was seen at the local market. He cast an enhanced eye spell that he earned long ago in Egypt to watch for when Dumbledore would arrive.

Harry heard the sounds of three apparitions. He smirked as he saw Dumbledore's colorful robes. He waited for Dumbledore, with Severus and Minerva to reach his relatives house. Minerva and Severus dressed like muggles. The police stopped them from getting closer, but Harry had been saving this idea. He waved his hand and sent his relatives house up into the air, swirling around and as everyone ran, the house crashed down on top of Dumbledore.

"You have watched too much Wizard of Oz, Master."

"Maybe, but it counts as one."

Chapter 2

Harry stared at the three of them. They were currently sitting in a room at the Leaky Cauldron. The neighbors and fireman had informed Dumbledore, Minerva, and Severus about the abuse they had seen, in the case of the neighbor, and evidence of where Harry had been sleeping, in the case of the fireman. Harry realized that Death had established his former life into this new life. Well, it was workable.

"Who put me there?" Harry had listened to them express their condolences about his relatives.

"I thought it would be for the best." Dumbledore held out a candy. "Lemon drop?"

Harry glared. He just got offered lemon drop? What drug was the man on? "You put me there, and never checked on me?"

"I had someone watching over you. Mrs. Figg, your babysitter."

"Mrs. Figg died over six years ago." Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes but gave into watching Dumbledore's beard has it began to snake it's way around Dumbledore's neck.

Severus arched a brow. "Who has been training you, instructing you about magic?"

"No one. I would have thought my shocked look when you brought me gave that away." Harry wasn't going to even pretend to be the old Harry Potter, the one Dumbledore had raised as a weapon. He was going to ask all the questions he never got answers to before. He had been a bit shocked because no one gave him a warning, they just grabbed him and one port-key later, they were in Diagon Alley.

"Attitude, Mr. Potter." Minerva reprimanded. Her lips were pressed together, but Harry thought she looked angrier at Dumbledore than him.

"Stuff my attitude. My abusive relatives are dead, I discover this clown is the one who left me with them, never checked on me, never wondered why his watcher never sent him even a letter, and I discover you three use magic."

"It was for your protection after your parents were killed-"

"What do you mean killed? They died in a drunken car crash that my lush of a pimp father caused, while he was delivering my prostitute mother to her next job."

"They did not. Your parents were brave-" Minerva clearly wasn't happy with what she was hearing.

"Your father was a bully."

"Severus! That wasn't necessary." Dumbledore held up his hand. "Your parents died protecting you."

"Murdered, your godfather betrayed them." Severus helpfully added.

Harry slammed his shields down. He loved Severus for causing Dumbledore to get so close to losing it.

"Great, what else haven't I been told."

Severus leaned back in his chair. "You're a wizard."

Harry slowly turned and looked at him. "You are taking way to much enjoyment out of dropping these little bombshells, are you?"

"Life offers so little enjoyment." Severus calmly replied.

Harry huffed. "Tell me about it." As he said it, stomach reminded him rather loudly that he was hungry.

"Severus, Minerva, why don't you fetch us some dinner. I will explain to Harry about his parents."

As soon as they left, Harry waved his hand discretely and Dumbledore's beard started choking him. He stuffed a lemon drop down the man's throat and waited. Death finally appeared. "I always wanted him to choke on one of them."

"You weren't the only one." Death looked at the corpse. "Why do I have a feeling his beard and lemon drops are going to be making a lot of appearances?"

"Popular request?" Harry shrugged.

"Well, let me fix this. Oh, he sent a message to Molly Weasley. He told her you would be living there." Death cleaned up the room, reset time, and made sure no reaper was in the area.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Harry really hated Dumbledore and his controlling ways.

"Have fun, Master." Death popped away.

"-parents loved you and it was your mother's protection that saved you while you lived at your aunt's."

Severus and Minerva had returned at the last part. "So much love, they left behind the scars." Harry spit out. He was going to kill the man again, tonight, within the hour if the man didn't shut up. He honestly wondered why his eyes weren't brown.

"You will remain here tonight, and tomorrow I will bring you to your new family. The Weasleys will be happy to have you in their home." Dumbledore smiled as Severus put the food down on the table.

"I'm not going anywhere you suggest." Harry walked to the table.

"Mr. Potter the Headmaster only wants the best for you."

Harry laughed. "If putting me at abusive relatives, leaving me unaware of magic, and everything else I have learned tonight is his best, I honestly don't want to see his worst. I won't be going to this Weasley house."

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice. I'm your magical guardian."

Severus froze as he watched Harry's face. Harry saw the man still, as Harry narrowed his eyes. "I do have a choice. I won't be going."

Minerva and Severus knew that look well. It was a look that Dumbledore didn't acknowledge and usually overrode, but they knew Harry Potter wasn't about to be ignored. "I will pick you up in the morning."

Harry rose from his seat. "Good night." Harry exited the room, sealing the door as he left. He knew Dumbledore would write it off as accidental magic. He headed straight to Gringotts. As an afterthought, he added some poison to Dumbledore's food. "That won't count, Master." Death mentally told him.

"I'm aware, just make sure it's handled."

"I will."

"Shame we can't just stick him in the ground now." A reaper apprentice was heard. Harry realized that Death must be getting ready for the sorting of the newly departed souls.

"You have time." Death informed Harry.

Harry heard the thud of a corpse. Minerva screaming "do something, Severus."

Chapter 3

"So, it will take a few days for you to research everything and bring Madam Bones into it?" Harry held back his anger.

Harry had never realized how long or how well paid Molly Weasley was. He saw a payment schedule was set up for Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. He already handled all of it, including closing his old vaults and moving them to the higher security ones. He gave the goblins a feral grin that made them glad he wasn't going to kill them, as he added parseltongue blood wards to his vaults.

The goblins were quite happy and willing to work with the Master of Death, once they realized Harry wasn't there to kill them. "Yes, where will you be?"

"Making certain Weasleys wish they had never been born."

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Severus arrived with Dumbledore at the Leaky Cauldron. Harry was already down in the pub, eating his breakfast. "My boy-"

"I'm not your boy." Harry growled, he didn't even look up from the paper.

"Harry, are your things ready?" Dumbledore was going to ignore the comment and get Harry to the Weasleys.

"What thing? Did you forget what little I owned was destroyed in the fire?" Harry raised his head and glared at Dumbledore. "Did you think I carried around my one blanket and two broken toys with them when my aunt forced me to work like a house elf? You should be grateful I wasn't still locked in my room, you know the cupboard under the stairs." Harry saw Severus' hid his smirk.

"Yes, yes, I believe a shopping trip is in order. I have your key here." Dumbledore pulled out a small gold key.

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"That will be 132 Galleons, 3 Sickles, and 8 Knuts." The sales girl had spent an hour gathering clothes that would fit Harry. She had measured, she had sewn, she had charmed all the clothes.

Dumbledore handed over Harry's key. Severus had supported Harry's choice in clothes, so Dumbledore was a bit disappointed that nothing he selected made it into the purchase pile. Harry had added mostly blacks and a variety of muggle clothes. "I'm sorry, Sir, but the key has been declined."

"What? Are you sure?" Dumbledore knew he had the right key, he made sure of it before he left Hogwarts, it was the key he used to pay for everything.

"Yes, Sir." The girl pointed to the pile of gold flakes that now littered the counter.

"Great, the great Headmaster of Hogwarts is broke." Harry knew Rita had to be around here somewhere.

"I'm sure it's a slight misunderstanding. That key belonged to the Potter Trust Vault."

"What? I have a trust vault? Why didn't you tell me? Don't you think you should have asked me before using my key?" Harry demanded, and he could see others around him were wondering what was going on. Severus, he could see, was now sitting in one of the waiting area chairs, smirking. He was going to have to speak to the man and soon.

"It's all a slight misunderstanding." Dumbledore reached into his robe, pulled out his own key. He hated to pay for things with his own money, but he would remove the funds from the Potter Vault later. He handed over the key.

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Severus and Harry were following the old coot. Harry could see Ron and Ginny were watching the twins playing against Bill and Charlie in a game of Quidditch. "Honestly, isn't that a stereotype they wouldn't want?"

"Not a fan?"

"Of flying around with a piece of wood between my legs? If I see a magic carpet, I'm outta of here."

As Dumbledore neared the garden, Harry smirked. Dumbledore saw the gnomes raising from their burrows, but kept walking. Soon the gnomes were edging closer and closer until they attacked. Biting and clawing at Dumbledore. No one but Harry seemed to notice.

"Mr. Potter perhaps it's just me, but death by gnome will make people look at you."

Harry jumped, not expecting Severus to be a witness. Dumbledore's screams finally died out. "DEATH!"

"Master, I must say, death by gnome is something I wasn't expecting."

"Neither was I."

"What is going on?" The Reapers were already handling the gnomes. "Don't move them too far away, I have a few uses for them."

"Just putting them back in their burrows, Sir." One of the Senior Reapers pulled a gnome off of Dumbledore's leg.

"Perhaps a bit of an explanation is in order, seeing as I know Dumbledore is dead, and yet, it looks like it is going to be covered up."

Harry always loved how Severus never overreacted to anything. The man always seemed to have total control over his emotions, even when he was "yelling" at students. "Death meet Severus Snape, Potion Master at Hogwarts, Severus Snape meet Death, I don't think he needs more of an introduction."

"Indeed."

"We have a bet going." Harry knew Dumbledore was going to be attacked again by the gnomes unless he flooed back to Hogwarts.

"Perhaps I should explain." Death, without waiting for confirmation, provided Severus with the memories of Harry's timeline and what Dumbledore did. Severus fell to the ground.

"You could have given him some warning." Harry summoned a headache potion. "He's not used to working with living mortals." Harry waited for Severus to recover. "Interested in Death Bet?"

"I do believe Mr. Potter that I am." Severus was relieved, no more Dark Lord, no need to worry about him returning. He was going to enjoy making Dumbledore pay for thinking the old Dark Lord was going to return and the torment his other self endured.

"Did he explain about the Weasleys?"

"Yes. I do believe Mr. Potter, we shall be having some fun. What is your plan for, I am sure, will be a short stay?"

Harry didn't respond as Dumbledore was back to life and time resumed.

Notes:

No gnomes were hurt in the making of this chapter.

Chapter 4

Harry refused to eat anything Molly Weasley put on the table. "I will not remain here."

"Now, my boy, it's for the best."

"I'm not your boy, and I am not going to trust anyone you place me with. You are responsible for what my relatives did to me, you are responsible for me not even knowing I am a wizard."

"Albus, what does the boy mean?" Arthur Weasley could see Harry didn't want to be here, and he was going to make life very difficult for Albus Dumbledore.

"It's nothing." Dumbledore dismissed his concerns, again. Oh, the man was going to pay.

"NOTHING. They beat me, they starved me, they kept me locked in a cupboard and you call it nothing!"

Severus covered his mouth. Arthur and Molly appeared shocked. He knew Molly wasn't what she appeared to be, and was too far into Dumbledore's pockets. "Well, now you can live here. We have six boys, and Ginny, our darling daughter is our youngest."

"Nope, not staying." Harry looked out the window and as Dumbledore and Molly took a sip of their tea.

Severus snorted as he looked at the two chickens clucking around the table. Arthur started screaming at the twins. Harry winked at Severus, as Arthur was now standing at the door, yelling at the twin to fix their prank.

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While everyone was trying to gain control over the chaos he caused, Harry slipped a note to Severus, asking him to let Gringotts know where he was. Harry returned to his watching as the twins were trying to defend themselves, but they really weren't sure if it was one of their delayed pranks or if their mother accidentally added one of their experimental potions into the tea.

"Perhaps Professor Snape can look through the potions?" Charlie finally spoke, causing all of the Weasleys to look at him.

"I can do that."

Harry had to cover his smirk. He had avoided Ginny so far, the girl was still in her staring at him stage, which didn't go away until after her first year. He wasn't going to have her following him around or being a groupie. Ron, well, he wasn't going to allow that idiot to ever be seen as one of his friends.

Harry waited until Severus had announced he knew the cure, and when Severus gave the cure, Harry released the prank. "I need to learn that skill, Severus, what is it called?"

"It's called potions, and it's Professor Snape." Severus wasn't going to give the impression of allowing anyone familiarity.

"So I'm taking it Uncle Sevvie is out?" Harry laughed as Dumbledore and Molly were now getting some fresh tea.

"Infernal brat."

"Now that everything is settled, Severus, I do believe it's time for us to leave." Dumbledore rose.

Harry saw the man's eyes grow huge. Severus had his sleeves rose up, he had rolled them up when he was reviewing the twins potions. Oh, Harry was going to have fun. "One for the road?"

"Yes, I think so." Severus laughed as Dumbledore was suddenly turned into a teacup and smashed against the wall, little bits of china was ground into the floor as dancing gnomes did the Irish Jig on Dumbledore.

Chapter 5

Harry waited until everyone was out of the Burrow to pull his newest way to get even. Ginny was down the road at Luna's while the boys were flying. Arthur was at work and Molly was off running errands. He stood in the center of the kitchen, he looked at Death. "Do it."

Death cast the Fidelius Charm with Harry being the Secret Keeper. "They can't keep me here if they can't find it." Death and Harry had a cup of tea while they watched the confusion out of the kitchen doorway. Harry was sitting on the chair to the left, while Death was seated on the right one. The door was opened, giving them a view of the front yard, where the boys were still flying. They also knew it would enable them to see when Molly and Ginny arrived. "Glad we covered the shed too, or Dumbledore would have had us sleeping in there."

"He will think you cast the spell, and with no Secret Keeper, he will have to hire Gringotts to break it."

"I paid Gringotts to delay breaking it already." Harry waved his hand and Weasley garden withered. The grass died, the trees started to decay.

They watched Molly look around, trying to figure out what was missing. The boys landed as Molly started screaming at them about their missing home, well, she thought it was there. They saw her order Bill to go to the Lovegoods and summon Arthur and Dumbledore. "Showtime. We need popcorn for next time." A reaper quietly spoke from the gathered reapers behind them.

"Hot buttered popcorn." Harry suggested. "Maybe some with caramel." Death took the hint, and one of the reapers went off to gather popcorn from home.

Dumbledore, with Severus, and Arthur Weasley appeared about ten minutes later. Dumbledore was clearly verifying fact with Molly and Arthur on their missing residence. "Perhaps we should see if Mr. Potter knows what happened?" Severus knew Harry and Death must have used a Fidelius Charm.

"Oh, dear. I forgot about Harry." Molly started screaming. "Harry, Harry, where are you?"

Harry sighed. "Time to go to work." He got up, passed his bag of microwaved popcorn to the closest reaper. He headed out of the house. "What? What do you and the what not to wear want?"

"Really that isn't the way to speak about the Headmaster."

Molly was about to continue on her rant but Arthur stopped her. "Harry, we were worried. The house is missing."

"No, it's not. It's right there." Harry pointed to where the shed was. He saw Death slip the location into Severus' hand, as Harry had written out the addressed and spelled it so only Severus would be able to read it. Severus was reading the address as Harry spoke.

"I see, perhaps if you could tell us what spell you used, we could break it." Dumbledore suggested.

"I didn't. I was watching them fly until Mrs. Suzie Homemaker arrived and started screaming about things."

The twins, with Bill and Charlie, were trying not to laugh. Arthur looked tired. He knew Molly was difficult at the best of times, but now with Harry being forced here, it was worse. She seemed determined to get the boy into some mold Dumbledore wanted. Harry was equally determined not to remain in their home. Last night proved that. Molly had kept trying to push Ginny on Harry. Harry had been polite at first, but after the fifth time, he locked himself in his room and wouldn't leave until Arthur promised Ginny would remain at least ten feet away from him. "So you didn't use any magic."

"Nope. I didn't cast a single spell." Harry loved loopholes. He didn't cast anything, Death did. He could see Severus, while his face didn't change from his normal stern look, was enjoying this. He was even wearing a t-shirt. "Nice look, Sevvie. I like the t-shirt." It was a t-shirt that Harry thought fit. It read "what doesn't kill you, disappoints me."

"I thought it fit." Severus watched Death and the reapers suddenly change their looks to match his t-shirt. Severus had been enjoying showing off his bare arm. Granted, it had been bare for ten years, but now that he was aware of what Dumbledore planned, he set out in his own way to create problems.

"I think it will be our new motto." Death and the reapers were now dressed in black muggle jeans, with black t-shirts.

Dumbledore looked like he was going to have a fit. He also didn't see the gnomes coming out of their holes. "I believe Harry had a case of accidental magic. Since he has no desire to be here, I believe he caused your home to disappear." Harry waved them away. He didn't want them to get hurt.

"I told you I didn't want to remain here." Harry looked at the broomsticks. The brooms suddenly came alive and started swatting at Dumbledore, Molly, Ginny, and Ron, causing the four of them to start running, while Arthur, with Bill and Charlie, tried to stun the brooms. The Twins were laughing, Percy was giving them a lecture about pranks.

When Arthur, Bill, and Charlie finally got the brooms stunned, Severus looked at a panting and wheezing Dumbledore. "Perhaps it would be best, at least until we recover the Weasley home, that Mr. Potter resides at Hogwarts. The Weasley family, I believe, have someplace else they can reside until Gringotts breaks whatever was done?"

"Mr. Potter will be able to join the Weasley family." Dumbledore wanted the boy under his control, and Molly would be able to control him, after all, she controlled her own brood.

"Albus, my aunt will barely put us up, never mind Harry." Arthur knew his aunt would have no choice but to put them up, but she would not allow strangers into her home.

"My Aunt might, but she is just as bad as Arthur's. She doesn't even like us to visit her unless it's for a set time frame." Molly's Aunt Muriel was famous for kicking people out if they stayed a second longer than they stated they would remain. "She kicked Ginny out last week when Ginny tried to stay longer for tea."

Harry's grin turned gleeful. "Oh, I want to meet them." He knew he would get along with the woman. Anyone who didn't like Molly and Ginny had to be good people in his book.

Dumbledore didn't like that tone. "I see, how about everyone come to Hogwarts. Harry can gather your items from the house, and we can go to Hogwarts."

"Sorry, not anyone's slave any longer. I'm not gathering anything for anyone." Harry folded his arms over his chest. The Weasley children stepped back. The adults may not recognize that Harry wasn't going to be a pushover, but they did. After all, they each had six siblings to learn when you could push someone and when you really shouldn't. Harry was in the really shouldn't mode.

"My dear boy-"

"I'm not your dear boy." Harry snapped and a tree branch came down and whacked Dumbledore across the dead grass and impaled him on a fence post.

"That doesn't count." Death froze everyone has the reapers kept gnomes from going after Dumbledore. At Harry's look. "They think he tasted good, I believe something about lemons."

"He is lucky I didn't drop a house on him again."

"You won't win the bet if you keep losing your temper." Severus watched the reaper work. "Union?"

"Yes." Death huffed.

"Local 1 at your service." The reapers all cheerfully informed Severus.

"Union for each continent." Harry explained. "Though surprisingly the Arctic gets a lot of business."

"Yeah, from you." Death looked at Severus. "He has killed Dumbledore a lot when the man shows up after he dies in another timeline, usually he drops him off there or gives him to some polar bears."

"They get hungry."

"Reset ready." The Reapers announced.

"-I'm sure it won't be that hard to gather their things for a few days."

"No."

"Harry Potter, your parents would be so ashamed of you!" Molly snapped. "You ought-" Molly's mouth disappeared.

"How would they feel about you? Keeping a child prisoner? How would they feel knowing he was left to be ABUSED!"

"Severus, why don't you take Harry back to Hogwarts. Arthur, take Molly to St. Mungos. I will see about getting the goblins here."

Arthur sighed. He knew this wasn't going to get better if Dumbledore and his wife kept insisting Harry remain here. "Fine, however, Harry won't be returning. Not because of anything he has done, but because of what you and Molly have done. He clearly doesn't want to be here, and I don't blame him." He held up his hand as Molly started waving her arms around. "Molly, no. What you just said is a great example of why. Bill take everyone to Aunt Beatrice's. Inform her what is going on. I will escort your mother to St. Mungos."

Harry was already standing by Severus when Arthur finished his wishes. Soon all the Weasley's were gone and it was just Dumbledore. "Playtime." Harry grinned.

Dumbledore was suddenly staked on the ground, with fire ants all over him. "Betting pool on time of death?"

"That isn't fair, Master, we know you can delay it." Death added some honey onto Dumbledore, as Severus conjured a gag.

"I won't enter." Soon bets were being placed.

Chapter 6

Harry was almost bouncing as he walked next to Severus. "He won't stop."

"I'm counting on it."

"The Order?" Severus found that he had enjoyed watching Harry Potter, of all people, tormenting Dumbledore. He wasn't sure why Death had included him in their bet, but he was enjoying it. He knew he should be horrified but after those memories of the variety of different timelines and how Dumbledore was willing to allow Harry, the Dark Lord, and him to be abused, he liked the idea of never-ending deaths for Dumbledore.

Learning the truth about Molly, that was a surprise. He always thought of her has being so wholesome, so caring, so loving, but to learn money was involved and that she knew about Harry's abuse was disturbing. While he didn't care for the woman before this new information, he now was thinking of ways he wanted to see her pay.

The youngest two Weasleys and Miss Granger was an interesting facet. He knew Dumbledore would do anything to win a war, but to corrupt three students. He realized the youngest two Weasleys had to be have been influenced by Molly and Dumbledore, but Miss Granger? From what he learned in the memories, she was smart, granted it was all book smart. Dumbledore and Ron Weasley clearly used the girl's lack of friends to gain her alliance.

Severus understood how much of a Slytherin Dumbledore was. All those plans, all the time he had believed, that Dumbledore had kept his plans quiet wasn't because he wanted to keep spies from learning the truth, it was to keep the Order from learning the truth. It was to keep people like Minerva and Arthur loyal to him. If Minerva ever knew the truth she would have killed Dumbledore. He knew Minerva most likely already had her memories altered by Dumbledore.

"Will be learning the truth but at my own time, in the meantime, we have fun with Dumbledore, Molly, and Lupin. We will get the other three later." Harry finally answered. "I hope he isn't going to try and stick me in the Gryffindor dorm.'

"Since you aren't a student, he can't, but I wouldn't expect him not to try. He might insist on the guest quarters next to the dorm. However, without someone as your guardian, he could have legal issues if he does. As you are not eleven yet, he can't act as if you were a student."

"Hopefully I won't remain here for much longer."

"He is still Chief Warlock, he will use that position to keep you under his control. Ironclaw believes that the moron Fudge will follow Dumbledore's advice, and Madam Bones will have no choice but to allow Dumbledore to retain custody." Harry smirked. "You have an idea on how to make sure he doesn't retain custody."

"Yes, and one I believe you will find interesting. Is the Lucius of this timeline such an arse?"

"No, he actually was relieved when our marks disappeared. His father forced him to join."

"Perhaps Lord Malfoy might like a new ward?" Harry knew that would give Dumbledore a heart attack.

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Harry was sitting next to Severus for lunch when Dumbledore made his appearance. "Problems, Albus?" Minerva was finishing up her tea.

"A small one. The Weasley home is still missing. The goblins are working on the solution." Dumbledore took his normal throne, well he tried. It disappeared and in its place was a toilet, that proceeded to bit him on the arse.

"Interesting." Severus hid his smile as Minerva and Pomona were trying to help Dumbledore off of the biting toilet, while the students were laughing.

"Septic bites on the arse would make an interesting cause of death." Harry quietly suggested to Severus. Suddenly everyone was frozen but Dumbledore who had started to run as the toilet sprouted legs, biting him as he ran.

Severus started laughing at Dumbledore who was had his robes up around his knees and couldn't pull out his wand. "Heart attack or eaten by a toilet?" Death appeared behind Harry and Severus.

"Toilet." Harry pulled out a Galleon.

"Heart attack, the man never gets any exercise." Severus added his Galleon to the growing pile as the reapers picked their sides.

"If he makes it to the three-minute mark, death by heart attack will win." Death announced.

One of the reapers produced an hourglass. "Starting now." Harry waved his hand and the toilet grew bigger fangs. The reapers started adding different aspects of the bets to the table, from what shade Dumbledore's face was going to turn next, to how high the man's robes would rise. Just a side note, no one wanted to take that bet.

The toilet suddenly jumped into the air, at the 2.5-minute mark and swallowed Dumbledore. "Death by a toilet, not even a golden one, just a plain old white one." Harry collected his winnings.

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"Ah, my boy-"

"Not your boy, cease calling me that." Harry snapped as they were now sitting in Dumbledore's office. Minerva and Severus were seated on each side of him.

"-you will be staying in Gryffindor-"

"Like hell, I will." Harry cut the man off.

"Mr. Potter, language." Minerva rebuked him.

"I'm going to make it simple. I'm not a student, I'm not staying in any dorm, house, or whatever term you select to use."

"You need to stay someplace, granted the dorms are not ideal for someone your age, you need an adult to supervision, to make sure you're being taken care of."

"Glad you agree. I do need a responsible adult. Certainly not that idiot." Harry pointed to Dumbledore "He is going to get me killed, one day. I mean look at my history with him so far. So, Sevvie, can I stay with you?" Harry watched Dumbledore's face pale, while Minerva looked surprised.

"My boy-" Dumbledore started coughing.

"Albus?" Minerva summoned a glass of water.

Dumbledore kept coughing, his face getting redder. "Death by lemon drop?" Severus quietly asked.

"Yes, I can't stand the things." Harry and Severus watched as the man kept coughing.

"Sorry, Master, but I don't have much time, Fate, Time, and Destiny are having a fit. Can you kill him later?" Death appeared next to Dumbledore.

"Sure, tell them I said hi. I have the secret stash of chocolate behind my cloaks in the wardrobe. Time likes the hazelnut, Fate prefers the dark chocolate but if she is in a mood, go with the truffles, Destiny is straight up milk chocolate with nuts."

"On it." Death disappeared as Dumbledore recovered by having the lemon drop fly out of his mouth and hitting Minerva on the chest where it stuck to her tartan colored robe.

Minerva fussed over Dumbledore for several minutes before they returned to the issue at hand. "Harry, I don't believe staying with Severus is the best idea."

"Well, I'm not staying with you. I'm not about to stay with her, she follows your orders, and not staying in any dorm. I guess I can always go to Gringotts and find out what property my parents left me. I'm sure since I have a trust vault, they must have had property."

Severus was enjoying this Potter. He would never admit it to anyone, willingly, but he actually liked how Harry Potter was boxing the old man in. "They do. I'm sure the house elves would be willing to make sure you are taken care of until you return here in September. It's only ten months."

"House elves?" Harry could see Dumbledore didn't like the idea of Harry learning how much money or property his parents had.

"Yes, they are magically bound servants. I'm sure your family had a few. I remember your father bragging about them."

"Great, I will head to Gringotts. Thanks." Harry rose and started to head to the door.

"My boy-"

"Harry-"

"I'm not your boy, you old coot. It's your fault I'm in this crises." Harry snapped at him.

"Perhaps Severus would be the best opinion, Albus. He would be here and under adult supervision." Minerva held up her hand when Dumbledore went to respond. "Harry is correct, it's your fault and if he doesn't trust you, at least he is willing to trust Severus." The warning was clear in her tone.

"What makes you think I want the brat? He is a Potter!" Severus knew Dumbledore would love his Potter rant and he knew Dumbledore would be expecting it. "Have you forgotten how I feel about Potter?"

"So not feeling the love, Sevvie." Harry leaned against the table that was holding a huge candy dish. They watched as Dumbledore was clearly trying to think of a solution that didn't involve Harry leaving Hogwarts. "I'm sure the people I meet on the way to Gringotts would love to hear about my time with my relatives, how I came to arrive here. How I-"

"Harry, I will agree to allow you to stay with Severus-"

"How about asking me first!" Severus wanted to laugh. Dumbledore was clearly not expecting a blackmailing, Slytherin Harry Potter and needed time to come up with a better plan. He had a feeling it would involve the appearance of Molly Weasley with her two youngest. He thought for a few minutes, why were her kids not at Hogwarts? Did Dumbledore arrange for them to be home to meet Harry? Severus looked at Harry, who had a raised eyebrow as if knowing what he was thinking.

"Sevvie, don't you want my charming company?" Harry hid his smirk. "I'm sure if the Weasley twins are back, I can stay with them until Dumbarse there finds me a new place to stay. They mentioned some interesting ideas-"

"Mr. Potter show some respect for the Headmaster, he is your elder." Minerva's face was stern.

"Respect is earned, not given. He lost my respect when he put me with my ABUSE RELATIVES!" Harry saw all the portraits were now paying full attention instead of pretending to be asleep. "He never checked on me. He never did anything but allow the abuse to happen. I find I'm not in a forgiving mood."

"Severus, perhaps it would be best if you escort Harry to your quarters." Dumbledore knew a losing battle when he saw one.

"Mr. Potter, I do believe we will be discussing your language and manners." Severus knew Dumbledore was going to try to regain some influence with Harry and would expect Severus to follow his lead. He also saw the chessboard and knew whatever plans Dumbledore had were now scrapped.

As they were heading to his quarters, Severus noticed Harry was looking carefully around as they walked. "You know Hogwarts, what are you looking for?"

"In each timeline, there are two types of changes. There are the blatant ones, like me being alive in this one for example. However, what a lot of new reapers or even a new implant, we place in the timeline due to errors, miss are the minor changes. They miss little things that don't seem important but can be. For example, over by the moving staircase, there is a hidden alcove, that wasn't in my timeline."

Severus stopped walking, looked around the open area, he watched as a reaper appeared next to the hidden alcove. "Dumbledore knows these areas, he can and will try to use them to regain control. I expect he will try compulsion spells, potions, and even a ritual or two to regain control over me. In a few timelines, he was considered a Dark Lord. Voldemort was considered his minion who wanted to rule. The conflict resulted because of it."

"Will they work?"

"No, as the Master of Death, his magic won't have any effect on me. He might try and guilt you into doing things."

"He will. He has done it before and will count on that method working." Severus started walking again. "The reapers, are they always around?"

"Yes, reapers are everywhere. At times, they stop someone from doing something stupid, I used to call it luck when I was alive during my original timeline, but it was really a reaper keeping me from getting killed. People like to call them guardian angels."

Chapter 7

Once in Severus quarters, Harry aged himself to 18. "Hate being little."

Severus looked at him. "You look like you did when I saw your death from the Dark Lord."

"Yeah, turns out that my death froze my age. Something about the Horcrux, Master of Death title, and Dumbledore's guilt trip." Harry looked at Severus. "It's not going to be an issue is it?"

"No." Severus knew he answered too quickly. Harry clearly didn't believe him, as he didn't even believe himself. He liked the looks of an 18-year-old Harry Potter. He certainly didn't look like James Potter. This Harry Potter was almost as tall as he was. The glasses were gone, and the hair was long and pulled back. He still had the same coloring as James Potter with Lily's eyes. "You were so small." When Death had shown him the memories, Harry had been so short, so skinny, so frail looking.

"Yeah, Death fixed a lot of issues. This is how I should have looked if Dumbledore hadn't dumped me at dear old Petunia's."

"How old are you actually?" Severus headed to the small kitchenette. He put on the tea kettle.

"I'm not sure. I have lived in three different timelines but never got to die of old age. The longest one, I was 54. Some idiot Ginny had decided she now loved, worked with her to poison me. I was bored so let it work. So far, Dumbledore, Ginny, and Ron, with Hermione, killed me. My dear best friends liked being famous, and when I didn't want to use my fame, they decided if I died an early death, they could remain famous." Harry started opening cabinets to find teacups. Severus pointed to the correct cabinet.

"Death didn't show me all of that." Severus gathered the tea things and set them on a tray, adding some biscuits as they worked. Neither spoke for several minutes.

"He wouldn't. He knew I would tell you." Harry followed Severus back into the main area of Severus' quarters. "I have some lovely potions I believe will work well."

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"Where did you find this potion?"

"In one of the timelines where Voldie won. Voldie learned from Granger about DNA. Granger showed him about how everyone's DNA is individual, how it could create potions designed to target a certain person. Granger in that timeline was worse than Bella. Bella taught Granger magic, but since she was a muggle-born she couldn't go too far up the Death Eater structure. Granger remained in the outer section of the Death Eaters, but Voldie had her assigned to work with McNair and Yaxley as an assassination team."

"Granger?" Severus was a bit surprised, however, given the girl's love with authority figures it seemed possible. Granger, from Death's memories, was a classical know-it-all, who obeyed everything Dumbledore ordered her to do.

"Yes, she really wanted to be Voldie' wife or something. Bella ended up killing her a few times, Voldie laughed each time Granger died. Granger always kept screaming that she was his number 1 and deserved the position." Harry looked over to Severus, as he coated the last of lemon drops with a painful, death potion keyed to Dumbledore. "That happened in a few different timelines by the way. Bella and Granger fighting over Voldie I mean."

"Does the potion affect anyone else, even in a small dosage?"

"No, it doesn't affect anyone else. Voldie and Granger tested it a lot. I think Death might be able to get the notes if we ask. There were other studies they did. I'm not good at the science part, you might understand it."

"I would enjoy that."

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Harry and Severus headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. Severus and Harry had a bet on how many times Harry would get angry at Dumbledore and kill him versus just doing it out of the sheer pleasure of killing Dumbledore. Whoever won got to pick the next way Dumbledore would die.

"I should have brought the gnomes." Harry muttered as they walked. Harry was back to his eleven-year-old self-size.

Severus hid his smile. They entered the Great Hall where Dumbledore and Minerva were already sitting. "They're early. They are usually at the table a minute or two before breakfast starts."

"Dumbledore is hoping we had some conflicts so he can play peacemaker." Harry started to skip up to the Head table. As Harry walked, the hall started to get colder. The Reapers appeared as Dumbledore was turned into a snowman. Once he was a snowman, the heat kicked on and soon Dumbledore was melting.

"No top hat, carrots for a nose, or coal for the eyes?" Severus looked down at the puddle of melted snow.

"Next time." Harry picked up the carrot and bit it. "I was thinking of pumpkin smashing next."

Suddenly Dumbledore was now a pumpkin. A gaudy neon pink pumpkin. "Well, at least he's not orange." Severus held up a summon sledgehammer. "May I?"

"Sure." Harry stepped aside, and Severus took a swing, sending pumpkin pieces everywhere. "Pumpkin Spice Dumbledore."

Harry waited as a Reaper repaired Dumbledore and took his turn. "Just think come September we will have Weasley and Granger to play with."

"You aren't going to wait that long?"

"No. How is your bowling skills?" Harry pulled out a frying pan, picked up some of the pumpkin seeds and started roasting them.

"Bowling?"

"Dumbledore has on his Chocolate Frog Card that bowling is a favorite hobby. I was thinking how about teaching how what it feels like to be the pin."

"I'm finding I need to improve my bowling skills." Severus watched as the reapers gathered up the pumpkin bits.

"Bowling tournament?" One of the Senior Reapers pulled out a sheet of parchment. "Week league nights?"

"Sure, why not." Harry liked the idea. "Make sure to add Fate, Time, and Destiny, last time we didn't ask them, they kept moving the bowling alley on us."

"On it Boss!" The Senior Reaper's cloak revealed a new muggle t-shirt that read "death becomes you."

Chapter 8

One of the Senior Reapers appeared. He was wearing today's t-shirt which read "you kill'em, we chill'em."

"It's too early, so what happened?" Harry had just come out of the kitchenette with two mugs of coffee.

"Time wants to know if bowling can be on Tuesdays, but Fate wants Thursday, and Destiny wants Sundays."

"Why not all three nights?" Severus took the mug of coffee held out to him. "I'm sure Harry will find enough pins for everyone."

"I was actually thinking, we have each one be the head pin, the group that knocks the head pin down the most will come in first place, and at the end of the season, we group all the head pins together and see if we can destroy the pins." Harry wrote down the group of people, Black, Lupin, Dumbledore, Granger, Molly, Ron, Ginny, Petunia, Vernon, Dudley, and his group of friends.

"Oh, I like that. I want to head the team that has any of the Marauders." Severus added Voldemort, Bella, and a few other Death Eaters.

"I was thinking we could rotate each week. That way we all can get a shot at them."

"I will pass it on, Boss. It's an excellent idea." The Senior Reaper disappeared as he took the piece of parchment.

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"You what?" Harry thought he might need his hearing checked.

"I invited Ron and Ginny here for the next few days to play with you."

Harry blinked a few times. They had been a bit surprised to find Molly, with Ginny and Ron, at the head table when they arrived. Molly had been lecturing the twins on something when she spotted Harry. "You want me to play with the two of them?"

"Yeah, mate, we can go and play some Quidditch. I will show you how to fly."

"You want me to get on a broom and chase a flying gold object around? No, I do have a better idea."

Severus was going to enjoy this. He could see Dumbledore believed his plan worked, as the old man beamed a smile at Molly that said: "see it will work out."

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"What's wrong with my Ronny?" Molly was standing next to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey.

"He has Acromantula venom running through his system, he is in shock. I have already given him the antidote, but he will need at least two weeks to recover."

"Ginny?"

"If Otis hadn't pulled her away from the mermaids, I'm afraid she would have drowned. What were they doing on those brooms?" Madam Pomfrey had already given each child a Dreamless Sleep potion.

"I thought they were playing with Harry, but Harry was with the twins all morning. Percy had reported the twins were showing Harry some pranks." Dumbledore wasn't sure what happened. He, himself, was a bit sore. He felt like his body had been squeezed by Otis.

Flashback

Severus watched Ron Weasley hand Harry a broom. Harry smirked. "You two first. Give me a demonstration." Severus wondered if anyone ever realized demon was in the word demonstration?

Once the duo was airborne, Harry sat down next to Severus. "Ron is petrified of spiders. Ginny and Dumbledore are about to revisit Black Lake."

"4th year?"

"Yes, so who do you want?"

"Decisions, decisions. Why not all three, three rounds, that way Ronald can get a few turns in the water? Even have Otis collect them for us? Keep the reapers from getting wet."

"Bonus points if Otis drowns them a few times as he rescues them?" Harry could see Black Lake from where they were sitting. "We will need a better viewing point."

"True, top of the stands should do. Otis gets to squeeze Dumbledore as a reward, each time."

"How about getting eaten by the mermaids?"

"Let me get some gillyweed, and we can watch from down there."

"No need." Harry held up the Elder Wand. "You won't drown with me, and we don't have to eat that nasty stuff."

"Win-win."

End Flashback

Severus covered his yawn as he entered the Infirmary. He had another antidote potion for Ron. The reapers had provided it, but he had to keep up appearance.

"Where is Harry?" Dumbledore thought Harry was with Severus.

"Wasn't he with Ron and Ginny?" Molly started to panic.

"He's taking a nap. We had a busy day. The damage from his relatives will take a while to repair."

"So he wasn't with Ron and Ginny?" Dumbledore needed the boy to be friends with Ron and Ginny for his plans to work, and not associate with Severus.

"No, they wanted to go flying and Harry took one look at the brooms, ask for a demonstration and while they were in the air, left." Severus really wanted to laugh. Harry was actually out with Death, sorting souls.

"I see."

"Albus, I checked the broom, with Filius' aid, and we found nothing wrong with them." Madam Hooch had arrived shortly after Severus and really didn't want to remain any longer than necessary.

"Thank you for checking Rolanda." Dumbledore wasn't sure what was going on. They still hadn't been able to find the Weasley's house, it had taken most of the night to get Molly's mouth returned, and now this. He hadn't even thought of Harry until Severus arrived and he realized that Harry had been with Ron and Ginny.

"I have a potion brewing." Severus was about to leave when a group of Reapers appeared. Harry must have had an idea.

Dumbledore started laughing. "Albus, this isn't funny." Molly scolded, but she suddenly started laughing.

Poppy pulled out her wand. "I detect no-" Time froze as Severus and the Reapers watched Dumbledore and Molly die from laughing.

"Boss got the idea while Death was talking about the good old days." One of the Senior Reapers informed Severus.

"What is your name? I can't keep calling you Reaper."

"I'm Phil, that is Mort, over there is Annie, Tippy is behind you."

"Tippy?"

"Nickname, he was a bit tipsy when he was reaped." Phil explained.

"So death by laughter isn't new?"

"Nope but one of the oldest weirdest death. Some time back in third century B.C. A Greek philosopher named Chrysippus died from laughing too hard. The idiot gave his donkey some wine and he just started laughing hysterically after seeing his donkey try to feed on Ficus Carica." {Ficus Carica is a fig- I just think Ficus Carica sounded cooler than fig.}

"So how many points did he win for this one?"

"Death gave him extra for revisiting an oldie." Phil and the reapers started to reset everything. "Repeat?"

"Yes, that would lovely." Severus had to admit watching Dumbledore die was getting addicting.

Chapter 9

Harry yawned as he made his way to breakfast with Severus. They entered the Great Hall to see Hermione sitting between Dumbledore and Minerva. Time froze as Dumbledore was killed again by his beard. "That one will never get old."

"This must be his backup plan since his other two idiots are in the Infirmary." Severus watched the reapers appear and fix everything. "One more time."

Harry smirked. Dumbledore's beard turned into two giant hands and began to strangle him. "Have to remember that one."

"Master, no points, on the first one." Death looked like an old man today. "Bowling is set up for tonight, it will be at nine. Time has agreed to allow us to bowl in the time suspension universe."

"Nice, so I take it she liked the chocolate?"

"Loved them. Tippy and his crew will be with you all day." Death disappeared as Tippy waved.

"Harry, my boy, I want to introduce you to Hermione Granger. I figured she could help you get caught up with any school work."

"Not your boy. Why?" Harry took his seat as far away from Dumbledore and Granger as possible. Minerva glared at Harry, which Harry returned.

"Well, I'm a muggle-born so I can help you with your muggle assignments and we can study our first-year books before we start here."

"I have my A levels, so I'm done with muggle schooling, so what did you plan on teaching me? I was going to be attending Oxford in September until that clown dragged me here, guess another thing you missed. Well, at least I know it wasn't just the abuse that you missed. I still haven't decided if I will remain."

"Oh. That sounds very interesting. What are you hoping to study?" Hermione glanced at Dumbledore.

"See I knew you two would get along wonderfully, she can help you study and pass whatever muggle testing is required."

"Headmaster, he is finished with basic muggle studies, he was going to be heading to university in September, until you got him. He is accepted at one of the top universities in the world." Hermione feared she was going to be sent back home when she really wanted to get access to the Hogwarts' library.

"Well, then perhaps you can spend time getting ready for September." Dumbledore smiled.

"Not likely, I already told you I wouldn't trust anyone you recommend. Besides, like I said, I might not be attending. I want to study law." Harry watched as one of the reapers disappeared to create the required paperwork.

"Harry, my boy, you need to train your magic. You don't want it to cause problems later."

"I'm sure I can hire a tutor. Hey Sevvie, you want a new job?"

"I have enough jobs as it is."

Granger looking at Dumbledore decided to try again. "Have you read Hogwarts: A History?" She held up the book.

The book came alive and started attacking her, as the rest of the books in her satchel came alive, attacking Dumbledore and Granger. "That is original." Severus straightened up a bit to look over Harry's head to see Granger screaming as she was being eaten by her books. Dumbledore had a brain and had started to run, but the books were worse than Hagrid's book for Harry's third year, as they grew arms and legs, the books were throwing food and anything else they could grab as they chased Dumbledore.

"I think I deserve extra points on it."

"I am sure Death will agree. Shall we do it again, with the books in the library?"

"Oh, yes, and maybe have some of them send spells at them?"

"Indeed."

Breakfast continued with Hermione trying and failing to gain Harry's friendship. Instead, Harry and Severus talked about potions and each time she tried to interrupt they stared at her until she shut up.

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A house elf popped into Severus' classroom during his fourth year Ravenclaw and Slytherin class. Harry was over in a corner reading one of the ancient text that he borrowed from Dumbledore's office that Dumbledore didn't know he borrowed. The elf took one look at Harry, make an eep, handed a note to Severus and left.

Severus waited until the students were gathering their ingredients before reading the note. He discreetly handed the note to Harry before continuing his lesson.

Severus

I would like to speak to you regarding Harry at the earliest opportunity. Hermione and Harry can engage in something fun while we talk.

Albus

PS I'm feeling a bit like a Tootsie Pop

Harry muttered about needing to go bowling.

After a few more classes, Severus had a free slot. They headed to his office. "What do you plan on doing?"

"I got a few reapings I need to do. If he asks, say you don't know where I disappeared to. It will drive him nuts. I'm going to make sure Voldie can't come to Hogwarts in another timeline. I'm sure Dumbledore will love to see him tonight when we bowl."

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Death and Harry were staring at the wraith form of Voldie. "That is just not a good look, honestly Voldie what were you thinking?"

Voldemort wraith soared at Harry, he went through Harry's body, and nothing happened looked confused. "Not very bright is he, Master?"

"No, but then again, it's been almost ten years sitting here." Harry looked at Voldie wraith form and Death. "Death, how about we have more fun with Dumbledore using Voldie?"

Death smirked. "It would drive him nuts."

"So Voldie here is the deal. He's Death, I'm the Master of -" The wraith form of Voldie tried to float away. "-that isn't going to work. Now, as I was saying, how would you like to torment Dumbledore?"

The Voldie wraith suddenly looked very interested. It gave them a look of continue.

"Good. The basic idea is we want to drive Dumbledore insane." Harry could see the wraith form was very interested. "I'm sure you figured out we know about your little treasures."

The Voldie wraith bobbed its head.

"We won't reap you, as long as you don't try to do anything stupid like gathering up your Death Eaters or try to kill anyone unless it's on our approved list." Harry explained how they stopped time to kill certain people over and over. Harry ignored the gleam in Voldie wraith's eyes. "You do anything to break our rules, I will reap so fast with no second chances."

Harry really didn't have a grudge against Voldemort, after all the man never hide his agenda like Dumbledore did. Voldemort was just insane because of all his Horcruxes but didn't mean Harry wasn't above using the man. "Good. Now, where is Nagini?" Harry looked around.

~Nagini, I'm not here to hurt you, or Tom, but we are leaving with Tom and want to take you.~

The huge snake peeked its head out from its burrow. ~No killing Nagini?~

~No, but how would you like to terrorize some Order members?~

Nagini was out of her burrow and by Voldie's form. ~Let's go.~

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Meanwhile:

Severus arrived at his meeting with Dumbledore. "Albus."

"Lemon drop?"

"No, thank you." Severus see Tippy behind Dumbledore. Tippy was looking very eager. Severus gave a slight nod of his head, and Dumbledore was hanging upside down being beaten by lemon drops. "I will have to show Harry."

"All in a day's work." Tippy and the other reapers were clearly enjoying themselves. Tippy did a reset.

"Severus, I'm quite worried about Harry. He clearly doesn't care for children his own age. He has already made it clear that he doesn't like Ron, Ginny, Molly, or Hermione."

"He seems to get along with the twins, Bill, Charlie, and Arthur." Severus knew only Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Molly were the paid pawns of his. He wondered if Dumbledore was going to try and bring the Wolf into this mess. He hoped so.

"He needs friends his own age, those who can keep him from being corrupted by the dark forces."

Severus resisted the urge to do a Star Wars remark. "Albus, you left him to be abused, kids his own age won't understand him, and he won't understand them. He is a lot older than ten." A lot older, Severus mentally added.

"We need to work on that attitude of his. I can't allow it to continue. He is so disrespectful."

"Only towards you and anyone you throw at him. He listens to me, surprisingly." Severus knew that ought to confuse Dumbledore. "He talks a bit to Filius too." Filius and Harry had had a long conversation in the staff room that morning about charm theories. This was also not the information Dumbledore wanted to hear. Dumbledore wanted Harry to be linked to Gryffindor and have only Gryffindor friends. "Don't try to make him into a lion, it will backfire."

"He needs to be guided by me. You know Vold-"

"Don't." Severus warned. He wished Harry was here to kill the man.

"He will return." Dumbledore looked at Severus' left forearm. "We need Harry to be ready for when he does."

Severus strongly resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm sure if you don't force Harry into a mold you want, he will be willing to listen to you." Not likely, but it was fun to let Dumbledore had his dreams. Severus looked at Tippy. Tippy nodded his agreement, and Dumbledore started choking on his lemon drop.

"That will never get old. I hate those things." Severus informed Tippy.

"We have bowling tonight too." Tippy did the reset.

"Albus, don't push him, you have seen how he is reacting, give him time to adjust, get over his anger. September is not for another six months."

"Talk to him, get him to see I didn't want him to be abused."

Severus refrained from pulling his wand out and killing the man. He slammed down his anger. "I will talk to him." Severus got up and left before he sent the killing curse at Dumbledore.

Chapter 10

Severus arrived back in his quarter to find Death, Harry, and some floating wraith thing. "Do I want to know?" He watched Death chuckle and head to his kitchen.

"Sev, meet the new Voldie. I went to another timeline and we are borrowing him. Dumbledore wants me to have friends my own age, so he is going to be my new friend." Harry laid a book on the table. "Death is going to bring him back, and we need to de-age him."

"I see. He's not-" Severus was hoping that they weren't planning on releasing a psycho Dark Lord. Dumbledore would be in his glory bragging about how he was right about the Dark Lord returning.

"Nope, no Death Eaters, no taking over the world plans, but he does want to join us on the killing of Dumbledore and the bowling league." Harry moved the wraith form over a set of runes that Death had drawn on the floor.

"Do those runes come up?" Severus hoped so or Dumbledore would know something was up.

"Yes, and I added some protection wards to your quarters. Dumbledore won't know anything that goes on in here." Death came out of the kitchen, holding some bundles of sage. "We created a new identity for our Voldie here. How do you feel about having two wards?"

"Two?" Severus was now officially confused.

"Yes, I put in the paperwork for you to attain custody of Harry James Potter and his friend, Mortem Vulgata. It was granted by the way."

"So I'm now their guardian, and Death Revisited for a name? Dumbledore is going to suspect something." Severus, without thinking, took the potions that they would need and added them to the ritual circle.

"I told you, but those two thought it was a great idea." Harry pointed at Death who was now placing candles around the wraith form.

"You have another idea?" Death looked at Severus.

"Yes, one of my young cousins died a few years ago. Dumbledore knew his name but didn't know he passed on. I could claim I got custody. His name was Sebastian Prince."

"I can change it." Death disappeared for a second. "Fixed, and approval granted. You are officially their guardians."

"I don't think I will get used to that."

Harry laughed. "Let's get him fixed, I haven't killed Dumbledore in a few hours and am going through withdrawals."

"Bowling in a few hours too. The Reapers have us as captains of teams, with the Union Reps having their own teams too. Fate, Time, and Destiny will share a team since they only can do one night a week." Death finished the setup. "Ready?"

"What do I need to do?" Severus saw Harry was at the apex of rune sequence.

Harry changed into his older self. "Stand behind me, Death will be on the opposite end, while Voldie wraith will remain in the middle. When you see the body is fully formed, cast a sleep spell on it."

"I can handle that." Severus got into position.

"It won't take long as most of it already done. We just need to chant a few lines, and poof instant body." Death changed his form into looking like Merlin, a young Merlin with black hair and matching beard.

"Please tell me you weren't Merlin?" Severus looked at Death with an arched brow.

"I wasn't, Harry was."

"I was bored." Harry shrugged his shoulders as if to say, can you blame me?

"Yes, of course, I should have realized that." Severus rolled his eyes. "Anyone else you might have played in the past I should know about?"

"Not really sure, I've played in many alternate timelines." Harry laughed. "It will be fun to find out."

The Voldie Wraith bobbed up and down. "Yes, yes, we know. Let's get his body back." Death rolled his eyes. "He never had any patience."

Death started chanting in ancient Greek, as Harry chanted in ancient Hebrew. Severus couldn't understand a word they were saying but Severus cast the sleep spell as soon as the body was formed. "How long?"

"Not long, it's more to keep him from being in pain as the body finishes." Death, with his forefinger, wrote the runic form of life on Voldie's forehead.

Harry knelt by the new body of Voldie and pulled out the Elder Wand. "My turn." Harry began to cast a series of spells on the body.

Severus recognized one of the spells that Healers used to give dementia patients a clearer mind. He also recognized another one that was a bit older and not used so much, but it was originally used to give patients a sense of peace and tranquility. "To keep him from going on murderous rages?"

"Exactly. Most of the reasons he was like how he was, wasn't because of anything he did, but what was done to him. Dumbledore didn't help either. He wanted Voldie crazy and kept returning him to that orphanage, same as he did you to your home, and me to my relatives."

Severus wasn't surprised. Dumbledore had been knocked off of any pedestal he had placed him on when Death provided him with Harry's memories. "So when will Dumbledore get the notice about the new guardianship?"

"Right before dinner. I'm sure it will make an interesting meal." Harry laid his hand on the rune that Death had placed and started chanting a healing chant.

When Harry was finished, the new Sebastian Prince was clearly waking up. He had the black hair from the Prince line, but thankfully not the nose. Sebastian had a full mouth, high cheekbones, and a clear, almost porcelain like skin complexion. He was tall like Tom Riddle and Severus were, lean, but not skinny. He looked like all arms and legs, but in time, the body would grow to fit the arms and legs. Sebastian opened his eyes and they were the deep chocolate brown that Severus had.

"He could be a Prince." Severus couldn't believe how much he looked like a Prince.

"Well, technically the Gaunt and Prince line came from the same line, over a thousand years ago." Death helped Sebastian sit up. "You will get your energy back in a minute."

"Thank you, being a wraith wasn't pleasant. Where is Nagini?"

"She is sleeping. Something about finally getting a good sleep." Harry pointed over to the far corner where Severus finally noticed the huge snake curled up.

"How did I miss her?"

"Death has her masked, only we can see her. I think he just remembered to allow you when Sebastian mentioned her." Harry started to clean up the mess from the ritual while Death carried Sebastian to the couch.

"Let's work on our story." Severus sat down in his favorite chair, opposite the couch.

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Sebastian and Harry walked with Severus to the Great Hall. Students were clearly wondering who would willing join Severus in any form, they were clearly also wondering why Harry Potter was with Severus if you listened to the gossip mill.

"This is going to be fun, may I kill him first?" Sebastian quietly asked Harry.

"Sure, unless he pushes my temper, again."

"He does have that habit." Severus added. "I still want to see you drop a house on him. I wished I had seen the earlier one."

"Oh, that sounds like fun. Wizard of Oz?" Sebastian looked at Harry.

"Yes, almost gave him a pair of ruby slippers, but wasn't sure if he would get the reference."

Severus and Sebastian snorted, not that they would admit that. They entered the Great Hall. "Oh, he is mad."

"Yes, he is. It's a good look on him." Harry skipped up to the table.

"Are we sure he isn't the crazy one?" Sebastian watched Harry.

"No, but then again, we are agreeing to this plot, so I'm not guaranteeing our sanity."

Chapter 11

Harry stood on one of the chairs in the bowling alley. "Everyone the rules are a bit different. There is one Dumbledore head pin for each alley. Whoever hits it gets 10 points towards the end of the year trophy, but not on the scorecard. The scoring will remain the same. You will also notice we have the big and small balls."

Death held up one of each, while one of the reapers held up the neon pink Dumbledore pins. "You can't miss it."

"It will rotate position in the lineup." Harry pointed to the alleys. "If you want to put up the bumpers, feel free. Now, below the balls, you will notice different things from bats to clubs, even a variety of different type of balls. They are to be used on the minion pins, which means the major players in the Death Eaters or Order. You get five points for each one you kill using the more creative ways."

"He means knock down."

"Yeah, knock down." Harry rolled his eyes. "A list of the major players is on the score tables. Those scores will be automatic so don't worry about counting them."

"Teams have to create their own names." Death announced. "At the end of the tournament, a trophy will be given to the first place team and one of the top scores on the wall of death." Death pointed to the scoreboard that had Dumbledore, Granger, Ron, Ginny, Molly, Remus, Voldemort, Fenrir, Bella, and the list went down. "Those below the red line get one point."

"So basically knocking down a pin will get you points." Harry summed up. "Remember it's fun, but do aim to destroy the pins, not the alley."

Soon everyone was ready. Harry looked down at the bowling shoes. "We will need to go and get our own equipment."

"I agree." Sebastian looked around. He had seen the Voldemort pin but no one seemed to care that he was present. He glanced at Severus who was already was standing on the parque and lining up his shot to take out Dumbledore. "Severus is very eager."

"Dumbledore has been trying to get me to be friends with the Weasleys and Granger. Wants me to have friends my own age." Harry laughed a bit. "My own age, if he only knew."

Sebastian went to his own team and soon everyone was aiming for Dumbledore. Time even sent her ball three lanes over to Death's lane to knock down Dumbledore before Death did. "That's illegal!" Death pointed to the smashed pin of Dumbledore.

"Nothing in the rulebook against it." Time danced a bit.

"Yes, there is. You have to keep your ball in your alley." Death pulled out the rulebook.

"It wasn't my ball. It was Tippy's." Time pointed to a mystified Tippy who was looking for his ball.

Harry picked up a cricket bat and skidded down to Time's pins, smashing Dumbledore and the rest of them. "Yes!"

"No fair, I wanted to hit him!" Phil picked up a cricket ball and threw it down his alley and got a strike. "Racking up the points, baby."

"Let's get back to the game." Death got pelted by tennis balls.

"He is right. As much fun as that was, we do need to at least attempt to play by the rules." Harry quickly danced from alley to alley smashing Dumbledore. "It won't count." He assured everyone as they were screaming foal at him as he finally made it back to his alley. "We will reset and start again in five minutes. Let everyone get killing Dumbledore out of their system."

Severus picked up the heavy cricket bat he could find and marched down his alley, picked up Dumbledore pin and proceeded to bash it to bites.

"I think Severus is a wee bit annoyed at Dumbledore." Sebastian's eyes were on Severus. "He was never like that before."

"Dinner." Harry saw Sebastian understood. While Dumbledore hadn't outwardly done anything he had made his displeasure known with snide comments about Severus all meal. Dumbledore commented ranged from making sure his new wards didn't dress all in black or green or keeping them in the potion labs. Minerva put an end to the jabs when Harry made the comment better than being beaten.

Sebastian walked down his alley, picked up the Dumbledore pin and lined it up for Severus to smash before the real game of bowling started. "Feel better?" Sebastian asked a smiling Severus after he was done.

"I do. I haven't felt this good in decades." Severus knew he was smiling but he didn't care. He felt lighter than he had since before his fifth year at Hogwarts. "We are going to have to do this before every bowling night starts."

"Agreed." Was heard around the bowling alley.

Harry smirked Death. "See, told you it wasn't just me."

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Severus woke Harry and Sebastian up early the next morning. "I have the first session."

"Coffee, I need coffee." Harry moaned into his pillow.

"Is it even daylight?" Sebastian groaned from across the room. They were sharing a room, as Dumbledore only provided the one extra bedroom.

"If we time it right, we can miss Dumbledore arriving for breakfast, so get a move on." Severus wasn't up for dealing with Dumbledore and his idiotic plans. "He will bring Granger to breakfast, and the two Weasleys." That got Harry and Sebastian out of bed. The Weasleys were released from Poppy's care last night but Poppy didn't want them to attend dinner, so they were in guest quarters with their mother.

"He is going to force us to spend time with them?" Sebastian put on his robe. They headed out to the kitchenette.

"Yes, but we can have some fun." Harry quickly explained why the Weasleys had been in the infirmary.

"Juliet, she is the Basilisk, she might like some fun too." Sebastian suggested as they were drinking some coffee. Nagini was curled around the warming rock in front of the fireplace. "Nagini can go and speak to her."

"I could use some parts for potions." Severus had wanted to experiment with Basilisk parts but they were expensive. "We also could make some money off of the skin she shed. We set up a separate vault, have the goblins and Potion Masters' Guild auction it, Dumbledore would never know about the funds."

"I like." Harry knew it would annoy Dumbledore to have the potion market using Basilisk parts and scales. "I say we use all the Horcruxes things. I know he believes they are Horcruxes, and he goes to check on them but all they are things that the Voldemort of this world used to trap traitors."

"It might be hard to figure out when he goes, but I'm sure the reapers will be able to alert us." Severus began to go through the memories that Death gave him. "Also, use the Deathly Hollows. He honestly believes he can become the Master of Death by just getting his hands on the three items."

"Granger won't go flying, but if the two idiots want to go flying again, we can have all three of them enjoy Black Lake.'

"Feeling lazy?" Severus watched Harry yawn.

"I don't think I should have challenge Time to a drinking contest last night. No hangover, but it always makes me tired."

"She left you a message about making sure you brought the good stuff next time." Death appeared. "Last night winner was Severus, followed by you, Master."

"We do need to celebrate." Harry bounced a bit in his chair. "Something to leave an impression on Dumbledore."

"Cricket bats for all?" Severus suggested.

"I was thinking a house, ruby slippers, flying monkeys." Sebastian whistled the song "Wizard Of Oz."

"I want to see the flying monkeys." Severus wanted to see the flying monkeys carry Dumbledore away. "Wonder if he would melt if we poured water on him."

"We can find out." Harry started to make an imaginary list of ways to kill Dumbledore.

"We better go or he will be there." Severus looked at Death. "Don't suppose you could arrange for him to fall down the stairs by his guardian?"

"I could." Death looked at Phil, who looked eager to do the job. "I think Phil and Tippy would like that assignment."

"I say have two on permanent stair duty for him." Harry saw some group of reapers start bidding for the duty. He knew Dumbledore wasn't going to be able to walk down a flight of stairs without falling down them.

They headed out to the Great Hall. Harry nudged Sebastian as they saw Granger coming down the stairs. "I forgot she is always early, so she can read at the table."

"Harry, Harry, I was hoping to see you-" Granger was rushing down the stairwell.

"Here I was hoping to avoid you." Harry wasn't quite so everyone heard him.

Granger looked shocked but Sebastian continued Harry's thought. "I thought we were heading to breakfast to avoid them."

"You two can come to my classroom if they bother you." Severus knew they would be joining him. They continued on leaving a sputtering Granger going on about them being rude.

Harry tilted his head everyone watched as Granger's mouth got bigger and bigger until the lips swallowed Granger. "That was original." Sebastian watched the reapers appear and fix everything. "They do that every time?"

"Yes, they're union too." Severus explained.

They were in the Great Hall when the reset happened. Harry let out a groan. "This isn't our morning." Dumbledore, with Molly Weasley, was sitting at the far right side of the head table, Ron and Ginny were sitting down by the far left end of the table, the end that Severus sat at. Harry glared at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore was suddenly slammed against the wall behind him and an apple placed on his head. Everyone was frozen as Death handed out bows. "Headshot is ten points, heart twenty, everywhere else is five point. You have ten minutes." Death instructed.

Severus, Sebastian, and Harry noticed the arrows had different color tips. "Poisoned?"

"Of course, Master."

"Winner gets to decide how we kill the annoying Weasleys." Harry took his position, fired his arrow. "Yes, head."

"My turn." Sebastian stepped up between the Gryffindor and Slytherin table. He aimed. "Head!"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Watch how a professional does it." Severus stepped up and aimed. The arrow went true and hit Dumbledore in his heart. "See, that is how it's done."

"Impressive. Another round, we still have time." Harry pointed to the timer Death had set up next to the scoreboard. "Let the contest begin."

Ten min. later:

"He got the heart every time." Harry couldn't believe Severus won.

"I know, I wasn't expecting it." Sebastian was watching Severus as they waited for reset. "So what are we doing to the annoying Weasleys?"

"I will inform you after breakfast." Severus moved the two Weasleys to sit down in chairs by their mother as they took their seats. "I want to be able to eat."

Chapter 12

"Sebastian, Harry, I believe a trip to visit the Chamber is necessary." Severus waited until they were out of the Great Hall. "I need some venom for the required potion." Severus was going to have to find a gift for Death and the reapers. They were making his life so much more exciting.

Harry and Sebastian exchanged a look. "My second year. I like. How long?" Harry was trying to remember how long it took the mandrakes to mature in order for the potion to be made. While they weren't using the Basilisk, it would certainly look like it.

"I checked with Pomona and she doesn't have any Mandrakes. She would need to special order them. So about ten months. I figure we can also use them to test bowling bowls out with their statued form." Severus left off other things they would test on the statues.

"The potion to cure them wouldn't be ready in time to start our first year. That could certainly take care of the trio. Dumbledore might bring in Lupin before my first year." Harry grinned, he knew his voice was filled with excitement. "Which would mean a lot more fun. I have this cool potion that we can make him transfer into anything but a werewolf during that time of the month. It works a lot like a poly-juice but it lasts for eight hours."

"I'm sure we can come up with an interesting list of things to transform him into." Severus started making his own list of potions to try on Lupin. He was going to enjoy getting some revenge toward Lupin.

"Have the elves line his bed linens with silver flakes, wash his clothing in silver, put silver in his body products." Sebastian was going to enjoy this. He could see Severus and Harry were enjoying his ideas. He got to be himself and people who supported his ideas. "Nagini could assist us too. She would love to help. Let's go and see how much venom, skin, and other items Mary is willing to donate."

"Mary was always willing to assist in the other words." Harry glance around. "The Reapers can add some protection about the Chamber to prevent Dumbledore from getting close."

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"What is wrong with them?" Molly's voice reached a new high. She was looking at three statues. Her youngest two and Hermione Granger. Hermione looked like she was about to hit someone, while it appeared that her Ronny was yelling. Her daughter was standing with her hands on her hips.

Molly had been summoned to the Infirmary as she was setting up their new quarters in the Gryffindor Tower. The older boys would be staying with Arthur's aunt, as was Arthur during the week. Arthur would be at Hogwarts during the weekend.

Dumbledore was a bit stumped. He had found the three surrounded by Gryffindors in the common room. He had been summoned there after Percy complained about his brother. Minerva had assisted him in getting the three of them to the Infirmary. She had a class so didn't stay very long, but warned him that this was his own fault.

"They're petrified. I'm not sure how or why it happened, but they are." Poppy was reading her scanning results. "I will have to speak to Severus about the potion. I already spoke to St. Mungos and they won't have any solution available for almost a year."

Severus entered the Infirmary. "Ah, Severus, just the person we needed to speak to." Dumbledore looked around. "Where are Harry and Sebastian? I thought they were with you."

"They are bottling up the potions we were working on when you summoned me. Poppy, I am almost done with your list of potions." Severus looked at the three statues. "Well, they never looked better nor so well behaved."

"They have been petrified. St. Mungos doesn't have the cure, nor will they, for at least a year. They informed us that their suppliers don't have any mandrakes, and it would take six weeks to get immature ones, and about 11 months for them to mature. We were wondering how soon can you make the cure?"

"Does Pomona have mandrakes?" Severus could see Dumbledore frown. Severus knew from the memories of the other alternate timelines that Dumbledore arranged to have mandrakes for Harry's second year. It was arranged after Ginny started her first year. There wasn't any evidence that he knew the students would be petrified, but the man clearly knew there was a Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets.

Time froze suddenly and Severus felt earmuffs on his ears as a giant Mandrake started screeching. Dumbledore tried to run, but fell over, with blood running out of his ears. The Mandrake started to dance a bit. "Damn, missed it." Harry was standing in the doorway with Sebastian.

"Language." Severus watched the reapers started to clean up. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I thought of it after you left." Harry stepped over the corpse of Dumbledore. "So we did get all three. Nice."

"Yes, he is thinking of something." Severus knew Dumbledore wasn't going to allow his pets to stay petrified.

"Most likely he has some contacts he is trying to think of to get mandrakes or the cure." Sebastian kicked Dumbledore. He looked at one of the reapers. "Flying Monkeys?"

"Oh, yes." Harry snapped his fingers and they were out in a field. Dumbledore was clearly confused. "He can't see us."

"Where are we?" Severus looked up at the sky, he wanted to see the Flying Monkeys.

"Forest of Dean." Harry pointed to the sky. The monkeys were incoming. You could just start to hear the beating of the wings. "We still need to find a pair of ruby slippers for him."

The Monkeys were Howler Monkeys and started making howling as soon as they saw Dumbledore. Dumbledore tried to pull out his wand but was having problems finding it. The trio looked over to their left and found Tippy holding it, while Phil was taking bets on which monkey would get Dumbledore first.

"I knew you would do it." Death appeared behind them. "You deserve double points for it."

"I do, don't I." Harry beamed a smile as Dumbledore was trying to avoid the wings and claws of the monkeys. "I say the big guy will get him."

"The one with the red pointy hat. Winner gets to pick the next Wizard of Oz reference we use?" Severus suggested.

"Agreed, and I go with the green pointy hat." Sebastian watched the bets being shift around on the board that the Reapers were using.

"Death can you keep him from finding any Mandrakes?" Harry saw his monkey snatch Dumbledore up and throw him against a tree. "We do need to do this again."

"Reset?" Death suggested. Death could tell his Master was enjoying himself for the first time that he could remember. Death also knew the two men who were next to his Master were part of the reason.

"Sure." All three responded. They were all smiling. Something that if anyone had ever seen them in their former lives would have made the witnesses run.

The Reapers got busy and reset it. Dumbledore was back in the middle looking around confused. "Bets?" Bets were placed, and they watched the monkeys destroy Dumbledore by impaling him with a wing. "That had to hurt." The monkey clearly wasn't happy having Dumbledore stuck on his wing and smashed Dumbledore face first into a tree.

"Closed casket." Harry was bouncing.

"Time frozen area?" Severus watched the reapers pick up the pieces of Dumbledore.

"Yes, want to do it again?" Harry looked at Severus and Sebastian. "This time we add a flying house?"

"Yes." Severus and Sebastian agreed.

Death didn't say anything as Harry, Severus, and Sebastian kept adding new twists to the various ways Dumbledore died by the Flying Monkeys. When it was time for the soul sorting, Death ended their fun. "Party pooper." Harry muttered as they returned to Hogwarts. Sebastian and Harry exited the Infirmary.

Dumbledore appeared confused as time began again. "The Mandrakes, Albus?" Poppy looked a bit worried about Dumbledore. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I will see what I can do about the Mandrakes. I will speak to Pomona as soon as possible."

"Albus, what do you want me to do?" Molly looked at her statue children.

"Perhaps you can keep an eye on Harry and Sebastian since Severus will be busy brewing." Dumbledore headed toward the door.

"Oh, I will be delighted." Molly looked at her children one last time before following Dumbledore out.

"I don't think Harry or Sebastian will be." Poppy commented to Severus. "I think I need to do a medical exam on Albus if he thinks Harry is going to be James."

"Oh?" Severus knew Poppy wasn't fooled completely by Dumbledore but she still listened to the man.

"Yes, honestly trying to push those three onto Harry. We have a pool going on when Harry will start pranking the idiot. You want in?"

"Sure." Severus was going to make sure he won.

Chapter 13

The three of them escaped the annoying duo of Dumbledore and Molly after lunch. They made their way to the second-floor bathroom. Harry stopped outside of the door. "He must know the entrance is here, so how about we use a Fidelius Charm?"

"I agree and it would protect Juliet and Mary." Sebastian didn't want the sisters hurt. "Juliet would kill him as soon as she saw him. Mary would hide. She's a bit on the shy side."

"Explains why I only saw one. Death as the secret keeper?" Harry had never thought to check the Chamber for a second Basilisk. He had avoided Hogwarts when he could because of Dumbledore in some of the other timelines.

"Best one for the position, if Dumbledore ever managed to actually slip one of us a truth potion or use a truth spell, we wouldn't be able to tell him about this. Actually, we should do it for all this information." Severus knew that Dumbledore wasn't above using potions or spells to learn what he wanted to know as he believed the ends justified the means.

"Nothing will work on me, but you are correct. We should do a Fidelius on the information. Death can do that Jedi mind trick on you to give you all the memories, again." Harry saw one of the reapers disappear. "He should be in a-"

"You need me?" Death appeared next to Harry.

"Yes, old pal of mine. We want to do a Fidelius Charm on this bathroom and one on the information about me, you, Sebastian, and the timelines." Harry knew it wouldn't be an issue. "Warn them before you return their memories."

They entered the bathroom Death and Harry causing Myrtle to panic and flood the bathroom as she nose-dived for her toilet. "I forgot about her." Harry looked down at their soaking wet shoes and trainers.

"Me, too." Severus knew the crazy ghost flooded the bathroom all the time. He usually avoided this part of the castle because of it.

Death snickered as he fixed everything. "I will speak to her later."

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~Mary, come out. We have a new speaker here. Tom is back, too.~ Juliet was laying with her head in Sebastian's lap. ~They even brought someone else, he wants to make potions like Sal did."

~Really?~ Mary peeked her head out of the stone statue. ~I have a lot of stuff saved like Sal wanted us to.~ She looked around at the group. ~They don't like that nasty old guy?~

~No, we don't. We have a death bet going. Tom, or as we call Sebastian, Severus, and I need to make some untraceable potions that we want to give the old goat.~ Harry could see that Mary and Juliet were interested in what they had planned.

~Why can I suddenly understand the snake language?~ Severus' face showed his surprise at hearing himself hissing.

~Death.~ Harry grinned.

~He really needs to tell us this type of stuff. Mary, Juliet, I'm a Potion Master, and we want to get some revenge on the old goat.~

Mary fully emerged. ~I got a lot of stuff saved. He bound us here, with just a little door to go out and feed. I miss playing with the unicorns and other animals.~

~We will remove the wards so that you can roam again. We will add a parsel invisibility spell, so he can't see you, either." Sebastian looked at Severus and Harry. Harry nodded his agreement.

"Better idea." Harry grinned. "How about they get to play with us. Have them get their own revenge?"

~Harry, we- I'm hissing, aren't I?~ Severus could see the two Basilisks and Sebastian, were laughing at him. Severus remembered Harry's problem in his second year and turned away from the Basilisks. "We can't let them loose."

"No, but we can let have some fun with Dumbledore. Let him see them, but no one else. We will have to find a way to block Mad-Eye's magical eye and anything else from seeing them."

"Feeling them, too." Sebastian added. "Perhaps Death might have an idea?"

"There is a very obscure potion, one that I will need some rare items to make but it would do it." Severus turned and faced the two Basilisks. ~Did Salazar leave any books, materials, or even ingredients behind?~

Juliet and Mary exchanged a look. Juliet rose off of Sebastian's lap. ~Come, Sal only wanted us to show the ones worthy of it. You are worthy." Juliet guided them down the long tunnel that she originally chased Harry down. They passed the opening that leads to the bathroom. Juliet and Mary took positions on either side of a section of the wall. ~Two must speak on the first time. After you enter once, you can enter any time alone.~

Juliet and Mary used their heads and placed the three of them in front of the section. ~Say Potion Master, Lord Salazar Slytherin.~ Mary moved back into place.

The three of them looked at the section and repeated the words. The wall slid back and they stared into a dark room, with candles slowly starting to light. Inside the room was three walls of books, four large wooden tables in a square with some space between them. There were a variety of cauldrons on the bare wall. There were potion bottles filled with ingredients and potions on the shelves below the four tables.

~There are two smaller rooms filled with ingredients and potions.~ Juliet slithered into the room. She went to the back wall. ~Slytherin rules.~ The wall opened revealing two smaller rooms behind the wall.

~Thank you, Juliet, Mary.~ Harry was bouncing. ~We're going to have so much fun.~

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"No, Albus, I'm not going to force either of them to spend time with Molly teaching them. Harry has his muggle degree and could go to university. Sebastian has been trained by his parents before their demise." Severus looked around at Tippy. Tippy was nodding his head and grinning. Severus smirked.

Tippy summoned Juliet. Juliet looked a bit surprised as she appeared but seeing Dumbledore lunged at him. Fawkes started squawking. ~Stuff it Birdie Breath. You know he deserves it.~

Fawkes flew up into the air and pooped on Dumbledore's head, as Juliet bit him. ~Nice.~ Severus watched Dumbledore fall to the ground, dead. Fawkes landed on Dumbledore and started pecking at Dumbledore's beard.

"What is he saying?" Severus asked Tippy.

"No idea." Tippy shooed Fawkes away. Fawkes gave a bit of a hiss. "You can join us in killing him, later." Fawkes seemed happy with that idea and flew back to his perch. "Juliet, go with Skipper." Skipper waved. Juliet slithered over to Skipper. Tippy did the reset.

"Harry needs to get some magical training." Dumbledore plucked a feather out of his beard. He looked at it and then to Fawkes. Fawkes had his head under his wing.

"Albus, you are not endearing yourself to Harry. If you keep doing this, he will not ever listen to you, no matter what you say. He needs time to adjust to all the changes. Forcing Molly on him will not be helpful."

"Severus, he is needed. We have to adjust his attitude. Molly will be a good influence. She will discipline him, she will make sure he will behave."

"Yes, her twins, Ronald, and Ginny are excellent examples." Severus gave Dumbledore's his death glare. "I won't even mention Ms. Granger. Why you thought those two would get along I have no idea."

"What do you suggest? We have to do something. I certainly don't want him becoming friends with the children of Death Eaters."

"You are driving him there. Leave him be. Sebastian and he are becoming friends. They study and work on potions and different theories about magic." Severus hoped the man would take the hint, but knew he was going to be ignored like always. It would also give them more time to work on the potions they wanted to experiment with.

"Severus, Tom will return." Dumbledore kept insisting on that despite the evidence contradicting those words.

Severus pulled up his robe sleeve. "No, he isn't. He is gone. All of the marks are gone. He isn't coming back."

Death appeared and hit Dumbledore over the head with a castiron frying pan. "Maybe that will knock some sense into him." Dumbledore slowly dropped to the floor. "Idiot."

"That doesn't count, does it?" Severus looked down at Dumbledore.

"Nope, it seems I'm picking up my Master's short temper regarding him." Death kicked Dumbledore.

"It's getting addicting killing him." Severus sat back down as Death did the reset. Dumbledore looked confused and in pain. "Headache?"

"Yes, it just hit. I need a potion and to lay down. My body is a bit sore. Poppy won't give me any more pain potions, she is afraid I will become addicted."

Severus saw Tippy disappear and he had a feeling Dumbledore's bed was going to be very uncomfortable. "I will go and check on Harry and Sebastian."


End file.
